Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Remodeling Vans For Free

I should have a show: This Old Van
and I work with homeless people who are trying to keep their vans running. It would be way cooler than that show about remodeling houses occupied by snobs who want to better see their private part of the beach. For example, all the work would be done in a Walmart parking lot. That would make some interesting interactions with police and security. Especially since the work would be done at night. How funny would that be? Kids crying...drugs...everyone drunk...nothing works right...police...warrants...laughs...broken van and the guy wants more space for a pot grow room. Call Oggy!

Tired of rusty wheels. Any votes for paint color?

So I decided I had spent the last night kicking the window with my feet or trying to sleep diagonally or hitting my head on the wall. The van is 6' wide. I'm 6' long. So if I don't move an inch then it's fine. But when it's 120 degrees then you tend to hunt for the cool side of the pillow...and slam your head against a wall in the middle of the night. I haven't slept good for 3 years.
Getting that huge piece of plywood out without breaking a window was a test
 But I also have been living in the van or at a place with no garage for 5 years so exactly when was this project going to take place? I had one opportunity before the failed trip to Labrador in 2010 but that time was spent locking myself out of the garage and talking to the guy who was dying next door who offered to build me a new interior but I was pressed for time since I was also installing a wood stove. Then I left and got thrown out of Canada.
I could've made it coffin shaped
 So this project was something that needed a perfect opportunity of space, no police harassment, no rain, maybe electricity, and also a vision. I finally had the vision of what I wanted and how I would do it. Then the trailer park gave me the pink slip and the tow truck driver gave me some work on broken pick up trucks in exchange for a private lot and a power cord...so...one night...around 11pm I put some Jimi Hendrix on and got busy. I thought, "Well, no more picking up hot chicks at the bar and fucking them on my bed," then I remembered that has never happened. Time to embrace solitude and see if I can remember how to jack off.
I kept the American Pop album cover up
 This was an all night affair as I knew it would be. The mosquitoes attacked me but it was cooler at night and I had parked near the stock car they were working on so I knew I had to be fast.
After I supported and cut the joists. Note that I notched the support leg.
 I left one of the joists up for now because if I put in a support at the very back then that will hinder my tool chest, which I can now access from both sides.
Too much shit.
The only unforseen outcome that I've encountered is that I've suddenly made enough room to fit a 1975 CB 550 super sport Honda motorcycle inside the van. That wasn't the case before and now my mouth is watering. Of course I have less covered storage space but after my clothes bin was totally swarmed by fire ants, I lightened my load. The problem, over-all, is having hobbies on top of living in a van. Hobbies require materials and tools. I have paint supplies for my stained glass. I have leather craft tools. I have needlepoint tools and latch hooking rug material and crochet and knitting material. I have belt buckle supplies and guitars and amplifiers and a box full of 1940s sheet music that I want to investigate and write a book about. The place would be empty if I just smoked pot and ate at the soup kitchen. But I have to cultivate these hobbies because it is all part of my folk spirit goal.

God, it would be so funny to have a show where I only helped homeless men/families living in vans to remodel or even get it to run good. It would be totally awesome but I think it's an idea without hope. In case I'm wrong...send me an email with your problem and I will come to you. allabigjoke@gmail.com
I'll film the entire thing and we will sort out your problem and get it all on video. I can picture it now and it's a winning concept. Basically, a mix of Pimp My Ride....Extreme Makeover...The Wild Waltons of West Virginia...and some kind of Salvation Army promotional video. With Oggy as a host. That's good television in my opinion but keep watching your storage wars.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.