Sunday, October 16, 2011

Happy 1st Birthday Oggy!

In light of my crybaby attitude I'm going to conduct an experiment. See, I'm emotionally stunted. You could say this was caused by my mother walking out when I was 5 years old and my father treating me like I'm perennially in grade school, but it's my fault in the end. I might act like I'm 15 years old but inside I'm around 10. So I'm going to take the advice of my friend in Mexico who told me to grow up and "at least act like you're 11."

I'm going to start over completely. I feel like adults are not made by their parents but by how good they parent themselves after they leave their parents. Well, I've allowed myself to run amok and while I have learned some things one *would ordinarily not learn*, and even managed to avoid most drug habits, it has not prepared me for a life among drug addicted Americans. I will start over at one year old and go from there.

Since emotional birthdays have no set date I'm going to have to go on my instincts and maybe you can help and tell me, "Oggy, you sound like a 4 year old today." Or "Oggy, that was a good choice. A teenager might make that choice." Or, "Oggy, when you whine like that about your transmission breaking you sound like an infant." Many of you have children my age so you should be able to give good comments. It'll be like a board game where you go forward or back two spaces. I'll have to get the S.F. junk man's help in designing the board and game pieces. The game will be called "Grow Up You Big Baby!"

Wait! I'll go to a store and buy one of those "What To Expect From Your 2 Year Old" books and see if I qualify.

*Is that a split infinitive?
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.