Portsmouth. For Ken.

We gotta do this at the press room.

Walking between the tennis court and Leary field, two arms embracing the south mill pond. Kids out late swing in the dark, creaking through childhood on the rusty chains...two neat dents in the dirt beneath their feet. Mystic clouds pass across the big dipper. The grass is tan now, the first tulip bulbs poking through the loam, greener than the law allows, younger than us all. The north church is proud tonight, white, erect, sharply pointing to some spiritual north we all align ourselves with. There's a knitting circle at the library, hats and scarves and baby shoes created in good spirit. Downtown the young plod the brick streets with beer breath, calling taxis and following clues. The ducks on the mill pond group together to create a constellation of their own, the yang to the bright star's yin. The tide is low but the ducks find an island of water. Years ago the mill pond would stink at low tide but the local students have planted oyster beds and pollution eating weeds and now the air smells like mud and grass. March spring in the nose, not quite out of winter's reach but we're running now and gaining ground as the old man lurches north. Maybe one more storm will remind us where we live but we've got the upper hand now and those trees that survived last year's ice storm and this year's wind storm are the strong ones built to last. That's the thing about the dead, they make room.
We're on the wrong side of the sun, spinning out of control and the monuments that appear to stand forever in the daylight are ghosts at night. Even the light beneath the flag at the ball park is too dim to bring out the blood red of the cloth. Something is waving there, chained to the pole, whipping in the wind. It's a vision only the early sun will reveal.
Teachers working late at the Middle school trade thoughts in the dark. These caretakers of our future once handed me great works of literature, for free, vetted by their minds. Where would it take me? Would I read it at all? They couldn't tell. They plan and plan and the day comes and a kid has a cold. They proceed through the field planting seeds, watering, no time to check attrition rates, only time to demonstrate their methods.
Branches still clutter the sidewalks so I walk in the street, no traffic, easier to see my wide path home.

Responses and Lies

I'm just going to post the responses all in one place. I don't think bars have anything to worry about if this is representative of the craigslist singles scene. Oh my god, the lies and deceit. There should be a disclaimer before the CL posting box that says, "For entertainment purposes only!" because I'm pretty sure not one actual person read or responded to my personal ad...yet I've received dozens of responses. They are all deceptive attempts to get me to go to adult "Fuck Buddy" sites and sign in. Yeah, some 22 year old model in Calgary is lonely and wants to fuck a poor hippy living in NH. Sure. I'll fantasize about that tonight when I beat off.

Here's a few...the names are my favorite part. Srdjan Zhusche??? How the fuck do I pronounce that? A good vibe? Was it the lunatic part that turned you on? hahahaha. Absolutely hilarious.


"I was just perusing the posts, and had seen yours, maybe I picked up a good vibe... anyways. I've stopping fighting this serious need to be taken. It's a fantasy I need you to make into a reality. I get seriously wet when I think about this, and I have no words for the orgasm that ensues. I'm a 26 y/o woman and for the most part age doesn't matter, though I do prefer older men, say late 30's. I'm nonsmoker, d/d free and would ask the same of you. Can you make this happen? Write me at this place I heard about awhile back my name there is SrdjanZhusche and tell me how..."

Sorry, Srdjan, I have an unidentified virus I picked up from FUCKING ZEBRAS!


One from Gartie Teico...

"Hmmm well, I am 21 years old, only a short while ago gotten my very own apt and now I am lonely hahah...I would like to get some company once in a while! Not necessarily looking for any commitments, simply a guy that will please me the way a lady deserves to be. My close friends describe me as very seductive. I could awaken the desire in a gentleman and also even with a man as cold as ice. I am searching for someone that wishes to have a discreet evening encounter. Peek at my photos on MySpace Adult my username is GartieTeico. I would like to hookup for an hr or two during the evening to test and try out much more stuff. If you enjoy what you see cum and get me"

Don't hold your breath, baby.

"Thalia Payton
Hi There,

Your posting caught my attention

A little about me:
I am a Designer by profession and recently moved out from a long relationship
I am about 5'7.. hope you are taller :)
I Love to party

Email me if you would still interested

Mel"

Jeez, you gave me so much to go on. Your personality just shines through that response. But sorry, I'm a dwarf. 3'8. BUT MY COCK IS TWO FEET LONG!! That's gotta count for something.




Here's one from a girl named Alexa Alexis. Yeah, that's a normal name.

"Hi I am shy and silly all at the same time. I enjoy laughing and talking although I am terrible on the phone - hopefully better in person. Hi I have a low stress level. I recently started working as a nurse in an intensive care unit. I will say though that yoga does wonders and I am learning to take it down a notch at work. Outside of work I love to be outside and go on various adventures. Id really like to find someone who is willing to be my friend first. Here's a pic...
Well, Alexa Alexis, if you want to be a friend first then why the fuck did you send me three year old pictures of your tits? What kind of friends do you have? Honestly, Alexa, I'm intimidated by twenty year old prostitutes. Call me crazy! Furthermore, if this is what you act like when you're shy then I never want to see you loosen up. Also, I don't associate with people who do yoga and other blatantly evil things.

Here's one that amuses me...
"Outgoing 29 y/o woman seeks caring gaming geek. What can I say? That's what I find interesting in a man. I'm a recent transfer from across the pond (Ireland), so if you have a thing for accents, that makes two of us. Only I think YOU are the one with the accent. ;) Write me back if you have any questions, or just swing by Adult My Space my name there is RehulDustieseg and check out my pictures. Hope to hear from you soon, k?"

Rehul Dustieseg??? Did your mom have a wad of chewing tobacco in her mouth when she named you? And you like gaming geeks? Are you crazy? Gaming geeks are the worst perverts in the world. You must be out of your mind. I've got a reputation to consider, baby. NO WAY! LOSE MY NUMBER!

Oh, if only relationships based on penthouse erotic spelling and cleavage were the cornerstone of love!

"Hey,
I saw (and liked) your ad. I think we might be looking for the same type of thing. Im a 28 year old female not in a relationship, drug free, just want to play. Let me know what you think. Jasmine




I think you can't spell, Jasmine, and you probably can't read either because I specifically wrote in my post that I love Mondays. How can you hate Mondays? If you say it with a Jamaican accent it sounds so cool. IN Spanish, Mande means "What?" It sounds just like Monday. IF you had sent me a picture of a nasty scar then I might be interested but I've seen tits before, Yawn!



Cheat w/ me... [[odd jobs - m4w (seabrook) Hey hon, are u into curvy gurls? Because I got plenty of junk in my trunk and looking for a sneaky NSA buddy while my husband is away for his work. I am a real lady but the question is...are YOU real? Hope u're not going to play games 'cuz I am over that crap. If you want me bad enough, check out my pics on the link and call me. My phone number is on there also. Hoping u're real...

PS : Due to bots I don't reply back to emails so just call me!"

Look, more tits!The troublesome thing is that the spam email people (assuming these women are in no way connected to the emails) are posing as shallow skanks. This one is married and wants me to get her off while her husband is gone. What kind of lowlife would follow that up? I guess that makes sense for a lonely man looking to get laid, but what is the percentage of follow through on these spam phishing emails? It's gotta be low. I'd go to Uganda to show them how to hook potential site users but their methods are repulsive. I feel like this is the world Steve Jobs is leading us toward. Cleavage and poisoned fish. Porn like this gives porn a bad name.

Angella sent me this pic of her ass cleavage. Yeah, Angie, we'd be perfect for each other.

Ah, they just go on and on. One person named Teoudarou Gartie wants to have my babies. Oh, it is so so amusing. I wonder if my ad appears like a just a highly paid scam to get people to go to a fuck buddy site. I do include the url which is suspicious. There is no telling...which is why it's just an exercise in writing. This is not a legitimate way to meet people. The trick is still to just do what you like and maybe you will meet someone you like. Or at least you'll get a free drink. I can see why they call babies miracles. I'm thinking they will be less and less common as long as lies and fuck buddy sites are the norm. One disturbing part is when I get an email from one nonexistent person who claims to be interested AND THEN the gmail announces that the same person has sent me another message and it becomes part of the original email...like with a (2) next to it to indicate the person sent me two messages, but when I read the message the two messages are from "different" people...with the same source email account. You see? It's like many people in Nigeria are using the same service to send their fake spam and they don't communicate so when I receive two emails from the same person it turns out to be from different fake people trying to hook me with different pictures of different breasts. It's maddening and definitely fake. I would estimate that there are hundreds or thousands of people trying to funnel lonely people to fuck buddy sites. It's not Steve Jobs's fault but I still blame him because my campaign needs to have a brand.

Man Seeking Woman

Just as an experiment I have placed a classified ad on Craigslist NH. I've trolled the ads there a few times and the closest I came to responding to one was when I read the wine soaked sobbings of a single mother in the lakes region who actually titled her post "I'm so so Lonely." Here's a woman for me, I thought.

Mostly, it was an exercise in expository writing to see what would come out of my fingers if I were sober and trying to market myself as a sexual and or social being, which clearly I am not. Like, if I just freely associated my conception of a personal ad, what would I write? It's a fun exercise and while this will probably bring me grief it has led to this post, and writing something, anything, is my goal in life at all times. Whatever project I can create is good enough. There is no excuse not to write. So, tell me, ladies, how desperate would you need to be to respond to this ad? Yes, the picture below is part of my ad. I'm still wearing those clothes so why lie about it? Also, it metaphorically compares me to the non-fiction section of the library. I'm symbolically shelved in the biography section.



Wanna Date A Lunatic? - 39
Date: 2010-03-08, 12:58AM EST
Reply To This Post

My sense of humor will get me into trouble eventually so you might as well be exposed early. The truth is that I live in a realm of literature and so any relationship I might have with you, either real or imagined, will be translated into words AS THE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS. I can not stress how unusual this is for most people, including myself, but it's my nature. I will also shamelessly exploit anything I say to you in my blog, which you can visit here...www.marcomaninthevan.blogspot.com I will not include your real name but any correspondence will be publicly analyzed...especially the email where you tell me never to contact you again.
Yes, I refer to myself as Marco and I sometimes live in a van. You got a problem with that?? I also refer to myself as Oggy sometimes. I'm pretty sure my real name is Mark.
Uh, I think the only requirement before you email me is that you read at least ten posts I wrote. You will be quizzed. Also, I am flat broke so if you want to go to that Brazos place in Portsmouth YOU CAN FORGET IT. We'll walk up to the window and do what I call "Window Eat." You can order anything you want off the menu. We'll pretend to eat there. "I think I'll have the prime rib." Then I'll make us some matzo pizza treats and peanuts. Wait, I just checked and there are no peanuts. I have some pecans but no nut cracker. Bring a nut cracker and I won't charge you anything for the matzo crackers. There's no cheese or sauce either so that basically means we'll eat some crackers and talk about the meal we would've eaten at Brazos. Boy, how awesome is that?

Am I looking for a date, actually? Probably not. Honestly, as I recently told a woman who asked me if I wanted to have kids, "I want to be the person who wants to have kids."
Does that make sense? I want to be the person who wants to go out on dates. So who am I now? Read the blog. I've included a picture just because it is traditional NOT to include a picture. Like you don't want to window shop? Don't lie. I'm posting here because for me it's different. I am different. For instance, I overheard a conversation a woman was having on a cell phone at Pic n Pay. "Which juice should I buy?" She asked. And I really never want to be the person on the other end of that phone. That's clear, right?
The first thing I do after I post this is to post it again on my blog and analyze it. I know, it's a real mystery that I'm single.

You now have three choices:
1. You can email me to say that "You thought my post was funny but you just don't think it will work out." which I will interpret as "I really love you and want you to move into my apartment as soon as possible."
2. You can email me to say we should meet in a public spot and "Have coffee" Which I will interpret as "I really love you and want you to move into my apartment as soon as possible."
3. You can alert craigslist that a lunatic is on the loose which I will interpret as..."I really love you..."

Either way, there's lots of fish in the sea though most have lethal levels of mercury in their blood.

The Nickel Incident

I've been reading Updike again and he loves the third person present tense. It seems a good tense to write from because you can talk about the past from the present and also the future. If you write in the past and talk about the past then you get into past perfect. "He had been thinking about..." It's wordy. If you are in the present..."He wonders if it's time to take the garbage out." Then you use past like, "He remembers he already took it out." I'm going to try it because my Santa Cruz saga seems to be stalled as I flounder in unemployment and self pity. If I can just write one page a day then I know I'll live long enough to finish something. It's when I go days without writing even a sentence that the problems start. I know what I want this thing to be and I start to defeat myself with having no money and feeling I can really only write like David Sedaris or Dave Barry (Trashy and otherwise frivolous authors) and will never really be someone like Updike whose work is so much more accessible than Norman Mailer, whom I respect but whose later work I don't connect with. The shit I read today was timeless. He put a lot of work into his voice and it pays off.

"The world keeps ending but new people too dumb to know it keep showing up as if the fun's just started."

That's just a throw-away line filler and it demonstrates Rabbit's perspective beautifully. The purpose of my Santa Cruz story is different than Rabbit is Rich but Updike fills this book with comments. That line isn't a quote it's part of the narrative which is mostly Rabbit's thoughts but sometimes it is Updike's or just people in general. But it's not ever objective. It's just insightful. He pondered the universe through Rabbit's eyes.

Another one was, "The great thing about the dead, they make space."

So, here's my effort for the day.

“And once the state saturates the drinking water with Prozac then they’ll be able to completely control our brainwaves. We’re all chemicals and once they replace our chemicals with their chemicals then…well, you see how much more crime there is lately? That’s just the start. Once they implement their plan that involves a new drug called Alt-five then you’ll see a lot more violence. And that will justify the declaration of martial law. It’s all there in my flyer.”
The man talking to Oggy holds out a purple page with the words “Don’t Drink Water. Unsafe Government Mind Control Experiments!”
Oggy read the first sentence out loud, “Beware brainwashing has begun and you are the lab rat…” Oggy shakes his head. “Man, I had no idea. I get most of my water from the river.”
“They’ve got a pipe that runs directly into the river full of Atl-Five. I’ve seen it.” Off Oggy’s look of despair he says, “Take the flyer. Get the word out. We’ve got to inform everyone. If you can spare any money for the flyer that would help out a lot.”
Oggy digs in his pocket and pulls out a quarter and a dime. He pauses over the choice because thirty five cents buys one apple. But the information on the flyer could be priceless. Oggy feels pressured to hand over the quarter but that’s simply too much money to justify on information that could just as easily be distributed by lectures in the park. He gives the man the dime, gently placing it in the other’s dirty palm.
Says Oggy, “Thanks. I’ll read this with great interest.”
“You should. It’ll save your life. I’ve got another flyer about the evils of Yoga. Do you…”
“No.” says Oggy bluntly. “This is enough for today.”
The man lopes down the sunny Santa Cruz sidewalk, stepping over the legs of a man sleeping in the dark doorway of a store that once sold boutique handbags. Oggy turns into the health food store and bumps into the window ledge since he’s so engrossed with what he is reading. The Korean clerk at the cash register holds his breath as Oggy walks by. These Hippies, he thinks to himself, these dirty, diseased hippies are intolerable.
“Hi!” Says Oggy with a wave.
The man nods, never having adopted this frivolous American custom.
Oggy walks up to the peanut butter grinder and takes a broken plastic container, smeared with old dried up peanut butter and browning bits of carrot out of his cargo pocket and holds it under the spout. He checks to make sure there are peanuts in the feeder funnel and flicks a switch for five seconds as no more than a ¼ cup of peanut butter slowly oozes down the chute and, after hanging on the edge of the shiny sheet metal, plops into Oggy’s container. Oggy eyes the amount for a second.
“Does that look like forty cents worth?”
“There is scale.”
Oggy knows there’s a scale but he was trying to make conversation. He acts like he’s never seen the scale before and smiles obsequiously.
“Ah!”
Oggy weighs the amount and at $4 a pound the 1/8 of a pound costs fifty cents, a little over budget but Oggy must now consider Isabelle and her mother. Is fifty cents enough? While Oggy ponders this he sees an old box of soba noodles slightly askew on the shelf. It’s a simple task to adjust the box so it matches the other boxes of soba noodles. It’s not only simple, it’s almost required if Oggy is going to leave the store. He now stares directly at the box of soba noodles and thinks if it will look weird if he adjusts a box he doesn’t intend to buy. Maybe he should buy it, he thinks, but how will he cook it? There are no pots or pans in the hotel room. Hell, they’ll be lucky if they aren’t evicted after the previous night’s rampage that Steve went on. Broken bottles that took two hours to clean up in the parking lot. A trip to the emergency room. Isabelle punching him repeatedly in the shoulder. The dog’s tail getting slammed in a car door. Man, the manager had been completely justified to tell them another outburst would not be tolerated. So, cooking was probably not a long term plan to worry about. But look at that box. It protrudes so much further than the others and the angle is completely wrong compared to the angle of the shelves and the geometrical arrangement of the architecture, not to mention the energy flow of the universe. Someone could get hurt either physically, spiritually or both. Then he sees that the price sticker isn’t exposed. So how would someone even know how much it costs? The continued silence makes Oggy feel uncomfortable and he turns to the clerk.
“Soba noodles,” he mumbles esoterically.
The clerk squints and pretends to count something on the counter while keeping his 6tht sense aimed at the dirty, confused hippy in his midst. Oggy takes the opportunity to stretch out, like he’s merely getting a kink out of his neck, and quickly straightens the box out. Then he turns the box upside down so the price tag, which had been previously face down, is now straight up like the rest of the price tags. He notices that the price tag itself is not located in exactly the same spot as the other price tags. The other price tags are near the “O” of Soba, while this price tag is much closer to the “S”. Oggy’s past experiences with rearranging price tags has taught him two lessons: 1. The stickers usually tear apart as he tries to remove them. 2. The clerks generally misinterpret the action as an attempt to replace the sticker with one of a lower the price and get a discount. Either way, Oggy turns back to the scale, now feeling that the universe is slightly more tolerable.
He decides that it would be more responsible, more ecologically aware, and more universally moral if he purchases only the amount of peanut butter than he knows he will consume. If they need more peanut butter then he will bicycle back and get some. He has at least sixty cents left. Then he remembers he also wanted to buy two carrots to use as utensils for the peanut butter and for the beta carotene content. He ambles over to the organic produce section and finds two well formed carrots that looked moderately free of dirt. He brings these carrots and the peanut butter to the counter. The cashier weighs the peanut butter, fifty six cents. He weighs the carrots. Seventeen cents.
“Seventy three.”
Oggy is happy he didn’t give that quarter away because he puts it down with another quarter and slowly counts out thirteen cents in pennies. He has to go through two other pockets to find two nickels. Then he counts all the change again. Then he arranges the pennies in a neat row of five, five and three. Then he thinks again and stacks the pennies one on top of another and picks them up and hands them to the cashier. The cashier says nothing and drops them into the penny drawer along with, Oggy notices with a gasp, a nickel. The nickel was meant for the nickel compartment but it bounced on the dividing rail and fell into the penny compartment. He is momentarily frozen by the nickel/penny problem. He is so flustered he tries to take back the two quarters, thinking they were his change from the transaction.
“Ah. Sorry.” Says the cashier quickly as he whisks the quarters away from Oggy’s fingers and drops them into the quarter container and closes the drawer.
Oggy desperately wants to explain to the cashier that there is a nickel in the penny compartment. How would he word this? “Excuse me. I think there’s a nickel in the penny compartment and I don’t want you to think I didn’t pay you the right amount. If you could just open the cash register and look in the penny compartment then you’ll see there is a silver nickel that doesn’t belong there. Could you do that? Just do it quickly and then I’ll go.” No, that won’t work. There is nothing he can do. No graceful way to get that nickel back into the proper place. How do people live when there is such disorganization?
Oggy sighs and gathers his carrots. He resents the cashier for being so insensitive to currency denominations and universal order. No wonder the world was falling apart. No fucking wonder! You’ve got soba noodles basically dangling in the air and nickels with the pennies and poison in the water. These were the dangers Abraham had repeatedly warned Oggy about. These were the things Abraham had said existed for no other reason than to distract Oggy from his holy mission. The path to a pure self was an obstacle course filled with Alt-Five brain control drugs and nickels in the penny compartment and god knows what else. What were his instructions? What calming method had he been trained to employ during such a crisis? Something about breathing and yoga. Something about…but the nickel...a nickel with the pennies. That’s unforgivable.
“Excuse me. I’m sorry. I just…see…I couldn’t help notice that when I gave you those nickels. Remember? Well, one ended up in the pennies.”
Oggy pauses as the clerk searches his face for a point to this comment.
“You see? It ended up with the pennies. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. That’s not what I’m saying. I was once a cashier and these things happen. But if you could just open the cash register and look then you’ll see the nickel with the pennies and if you could put that penny back with the other nickels…I mean put the nickel with the other nickels…then…right?”
The cashier quickly computes that the quickest way to rid himself of this lunatic is to put the nickel back in the penny compartment. He had, in fact, seen the nickel go in with the pennies but he generally waited until he was counting the change out at the end of the day to rectify the problem or else he actually saved time when counting change by seeing the nickel with the pennies and grabbing six cents from a single compartment instead of from two compartments. It was a trick he had seen his father use when his father ran the register and it made sense. He never let it get out of control but there was no harm in a nickel lying with the pennies until it was needed. Dimes and quarters didn’t mix and neither did dimes and nickels but nickels and pennies were different colors and therefore were perfectly all right to mix a few so they could later be combined quickly. Still, to placate the hippy the cashier quickly opens the register drawer with a no sale operation and locates the nickel and puts it with the other nickels.
“Good. Thank you.” He says with finality, “Have good day.”
“And another thing,” continues Oggy to the exasperation of the cashier, “I was just straightening out the shelves. I noticed some…”
“Thank you.” Says the cashier.
“…and it’s all perfect now.”
Oggy knows he is rambling but he doesn’t see how he could allow this lingering question to remain after he leaves. He assumed the cashier was wondering what he was doing touching the soba noodles and then not buying them. Now he knows. Oggy makes a gesture of satisfaction.
“Goodbye. See you later.”
Oggy walks outside without his peanut butter, remembers it and goes back in with an embarrassed smile.
“Whoops. The whole point of coming in here.”
Oggy turns and leaves again with his carrots and peanut butter. He thinks again of the flyer and Alt-Five. Should he return to the cashier to relay this important information? No. Better to read the whole flyer and learn as much as possible so he can answer any questions the cashier might have. Anyway, Isabelle and Mary will probably demand he return for more peanut butter and he’ll have a chance then to talk about the latest brainwashing campaign the government is using to control the population.

Religious corner

I love doing things differently because I run into the most unusual news items. For instance, only a complete idiot would pay for dial up. Right now, it's a temporary solution so I can post things and search for work at night after the library closes. It is too slow and most web sites are too advanced for 50kbps. So I paid $10 for dial up a month to save myself the trip to the library etc though I didn't mind going to the library but I did get the feeling that they didn't want me there anymore. "Sir, it's time to wake up. Sir, this isn't a photo studio. Sir, please go home. Sir, this police officer will help you downstairs." You know, little hints like that.

SO I'm able to access the internet now because of a service called basicisp.com. there are many $10 services. AOL, copper, people, etc. a dozen or so will allow you to call a local number to access the internet through their servers. Anyway, my point is that my choice to do things differently led me to basicisp, which is based in Ohio. Anyone been to Ohio? Well, I've been there and it is just above the bible belt. It's where kids from Missouri dream of going one day. It's the poor man's Illinois and it is a god fearing area that I recommend you all visit one day.
Anyway, basicisp has some forums for info and such. You know, politics, sports and this one called religion corner. Now, I'm going to do a quick comparison of religious related comments found on our Ohio based basicisp "religious corner" forum and craigslist "religion" forum which is based in S.F.

I've been reading quite a lot of right wing bashing on Facebook and who am I to say that's wrong? I will say the methods are unnecessary. Merely, copy and paste actual comments and you will get an idea of what you are dealing with. Most people don't spell check comments so let's forgive their grammar and typos. Look at the priceless content. Here is a verbatim exchange from basic isp...



"When you approve Yoga, you are in fact embracing evil. Anyone can discern that. We don't have to look too far.

When you spout new age doctrine, you are in fact embracing evil.

A person does not have to say, "I am embracing evil now." to be embracing evil.
Did Adolf Hitler say he was embracing evil? Probably not. Was he? Certainly.

Would you like to address the other points of your seeming recommendation?

1) Fear nothing.

2) Embrace evil.

3) Reject nothing.

What does a scripture about turning the other cheek have to do with justifying involvement with Yoga and other blatantly evil things?

4)

Hebrews 13:8 NIV
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Once again as usual,
Your assuming things that you know nothing about.
I will defend anyone against false teaching.
I could care less if Your new age, old age,or fossil age.
I don't care, but when you start teaching that the apostle
Paul should be believed over Jesus, you have gone way to far."


I don't want to take the time to separate the squabble into people. To me, this is either an excellent attempt to mimic my faux Hannah Montana vendetta or else these folks are actually insane. Yoga is blatantly evil??? I'm laughing out loud at this. I love this language. "Anyone can discern that." "When you start teaching that the apostle Paul should be believed over Jesus, you have gone way too far." hahahaha. "Yoga and other blatantly evil things." This is so perfect I'm jealous. You see my competition? In all my essays about Steve Jobs and Hannah Montana, as hard as I tried to embody the right wing rhetoric and absurdity, as hard as I worked at eclipsing the craziness of someone like Mark David Chapman who assassinated John Lennon because he wanted to be known as the guy who assassinated John Lennon, I have failed. Those simple words. "Yoga and other blatantly evil things...." ...in a religious forum no less..."Anyone can discern that." Wow. That's the line I was trying to write. Something like, "We must renounce evils such as hydrogen bombs and Hannah Montana." But this guy beat me to it. I was trying to manufacture lunacy and now I've seen the face of a true lunatic. How will I go on?
I'm humbled by these comments. Truly humbled. I can not compete with that. I thought when I wrote about Hannah Montana as an inflatable fuck doll I had done something original but here I see no, that was just minor league craziness. This person who wrote "Yoga and other blatantly evil things" is a true genius. How many people I know and admire who practice yoga? Many. You might as well say walking or jogging is evil. Not just evil, but blatantly evil. Like, anyone would recognize how it is evil. hahahaha. You'll go to hell if you stretch your hamstring. "Father, forgive me, I committed the sin of deep focused breathing." Priceless. I missed my calling as an apostle.
Anyway, I never in a million years would've visited this Ohio based forum if I hadn't purchased this crappy slow dial up service. So that's one lesson about doing things differently. Now, let's see what we can find on Craigslist...

A 03/06 19:58:20
What a sharing plan of supremacist blasphemy...
To earn points on facts of something written thousands of years ago.Burning crosses in words of hiprocrysy,bigamy,killing in the name of bigomy.Your fantasy is not as deep as me and you will never find peace

b 03/06 19:59:25
Wow, if that rhymed it would have been like beat poetry.

a 03/06 20:03:41
Its not poetry. Its beyond belief-be that in your own way or suffer their fate

b 03/06 20:07:32
Cause the fires of hip hop hipocracy are great.

b 03/06 19:57:16
Do you think that more people today are taking polarized stances with respect to religion? My own theory is that more people are starting to figure out that there either is no god or they better start talking this religion stuff more serious.
In my parents time, I think more people just went to church and they didn't give it much thought.

03/06 19:59:12
I think people are polarized more because people interact more in ways they never before could. Like here, for instance.


I didn't do an exhaustive search of craiglist but I didn't find much rhetoric and few long standing grudge battles. I did find this funny pic in the religion forum.


But these folks aren't really into an exchange of ideas. they are just passing the time while something else happens. They speak in one sentence snarky comments. They are jaded and represent the west coast ethic of "mockery is a form of compliment". They would be the first to admit that changing opinions is a hopeless task but it's still fun to mock.

The person on the basicisp forum really and truly believes yoga is evil and thinks his comments will change opinions on yoga. He has filled the forum with a screed opposed to all things related to yoga to the point the moderator is censoring his posts. The posts are not funny at all. He's really using the bible to smear yoga. I bow to his supreme dedication. This is our country, people. I'm not the craziest guy on the block. That would go to the yoga hater. I dedicate this post to you and basicisp for allowing me access to your miserably slow internet. It just kicked me off for no reason but after two redials it reconnected. Amen!