Area Dog Happy To Spend Extra Hour With Owner Every Sunday

Rascal, a three year old fixed Spaniel reported feelings of elation this past Sunday.
"On average I get to spend thirty minutes a day with [owner] Ted," said Rascal as he alternately licked his anus and penis sheath. "But on Sunday he takes me to the dog park and when the weather is nice we go to the beach. That can add an extra hour to our time together and I really cherish it."
Resigned to spend the majority of his time on earth sleeping or awaiting a meal or snack, Rascal has few complaints.
"The food issue is always a concern," said Rascal gesturing his muzzle toward an aluminum bowl marked Dog. "For two years I've had basically the exact same portion of the exact same dry, detestable corn and salt flavored pellets. Whoever invented that stuff definitely wasn't a dog. But," continued Rascal, "what are you gonna do? Ted literally and figuratively throws me a bone once in a while but...you know. I was taken from my mother when I was a month old. I never knew my father or my eleven siblings. They could be dead for all I know. Am I gonna bitch all day? Nope. I eat it, keep my mouth shut and wait for Sunday. That one incident with the cat next door has been cleared up. We're all good."
Rascal's owner scratched him behind the ears and Rascal pawed the air in joy.
"That's the stuff," said Rascal. "This is heaven. Sundays are the best!"

Magazine Pitch

I was at the library looking at all these magazines and I thought that between myself and a few other people we have the staff to make an online magazine. I mean, what would be easier than five people having access to one blog and all of us contribute stories based on topical or irrelevant issues. I know everyone expects me to wither away in poverty forever but seriously, I just watched Braveheart and it's time to cave in, to sell out, to trade my convictions for some big mac hamburgers.
So, my plan is to sell advertising space on the site. Hell, we can call it www.portsmouthsellsout.com
For example, go to Moes sandwiches, and get them to pay for our custom ad that we will put on our page. Give them a 75 cent coupon so they know it works. Etc. I've already been giving them free exposure. I know just the person to pose for an ad with a sandwich in his hand. Eddie? You got something better going on?
The content itself will obviously be naked girls and fart jokes, my specialty.
Because, I'll be honest, some of the puff articles I just read in Time magazine were not worth reading. "Football is dangerous...boo hoo...brain injuries....what Obama can learn from Reagan...growing old sucks....etc." really, if you are paying for Time then you are getting ripped off. Those writers must've learned their trade at Disposable University whose motto is: Forget what you're reading as you read it.
Terrible. And who buys ad space? Asthma pharmaceuticals and Cock medicine and something called lipitor and Eukanuba dog food. There's a page long ad (article) about the iPad that might as well be written by Steve Jobs himself he's got his cock so deeply embedded in the writer's ass. "Jobs delivers the goods." Yeah, right up your ass! This is impartial?? No. It's Time Magazine. Their Motto is "It's Time To Buy an iPad."
It wouldn't take much to be more creative. No spoof articles like the onion but things like book reviews. lawn status. Bird watching. little league baseball coverage with analysis and interviews. Like really treat Little League seriously. How funny would that be? The people who really matter in the community, the kids, being taken as seriously as a 30 year old Dominican Republic millionaire athlete. Imagine! When was the last time Big Papi cried when he struck out? Now that's drama. I don't think subversive media has any market so I'd keep all that shit here where no one reads it. But the interesting stuff about local events could actually be marketed.
It's just a thought.

Bonnie Part II

Bonnie the dog has returned for another vacation with uncle Oggy. My plans are to take her into Fort Stark for real this time and get some good pics. And now I have the video camera so we're going to do some scenes at the dog park. Of course she's the boss so whatever she wants to do is the law.

eddie and the cruisers

I don't think I ever watched the whole thing until today. It wasn't the worst movie I've seen but I would be lying if I said I didn't hit the fast forward button over many scenes of cars driving. And I actually jumped out of my chair when I saw Tom Berenger's character (a poet teacher) pull into the driveway of his single wide mobile home AND THE SHOT WAS FILMED FROM A CRANE. Who the fuck authorized that crane rental? For that shot? I thought to myself...this must be where the movie ends, with another crane shot because there is no way they dragged a crane over to this location for a single shot of a trailer...that really has nothing to do with anything. But I was wrong. The final shot is a montage of the Cruisers playing on televisions in a television store. Everyone is watching like a community event (so lame) and in the crowd is a leather jacked guy with a beard who looks.,..could it be...Eddie! Back from the dead and happy his music still lasted even though he was the asshole who drove off a bridge because the company thought his concept album (A Season in Hell, named after a Rimbaud poem) wasn't marketable.
"We paid for rock, and you gave us an opera."
There are many clunkers in this film like Berenger throwing his arm in the air, "Go Get 'em!" It makes me appreciate the method acting I found in Lee Marvin's The Killers. Marvin showed up drunk for his death scene (killing Ronald Reagan's last film role first). He stumbles out of the house and seriously falls off the stairs to the ground. Doesn't flinch. He's been shot...but he's really drunk...and he slams to the ground, no stunt double. He gets up, staggers to his car. The cops arrive and he pretends to have a gun in his hand and then falls dead as the money falls to the lawn.
TRACK CRANE BACK AND UP. SHOT OF LAWN. HOUSE. BODY. ROLL CREDITS
The crane was used in the final shot of Eddie and the Cruisers too, wasted on a night time wet street shot as Eddie walks away up the sidewalk. But it had to be moved from that mobile home. Such a waste of money for that film. Good soundtrack though even if it's all a rip off of Bruce Springsteen. At least they stole from the best.

Tale of the tape

I wanted to document why I can not afford to go to the fancy supermarket up on the hill. Beside the fact they didn't want my hippie kind in there I was revolted by the prices. $4 for juice? $6 for a few sausages? I don't want to buy the farm, just a piece of the pig. Give me a break. Almost $50 for a single bag of groceries. $50!! It's not like I'm going for the wine and cheese and baklava either. These were staples like ham and bananas and grain salad and a chicken pot pie and some OJ. I guess it's all relative to what you make and this represents a day of labor. But it just means I have to make that $50 last two weeks. Budgets are the one place I am a strict realist. A banana can not be stretched. So if you have $100 for a month of groceries then the groceries you buy for $100 will last a month one way or another. I like hamburgers and oatmeal. I'm not complaining. What I need to do is learn to cook these grain salads I'm addicted to. Part of this $50 was some raw red quinoa. Raisins. cashews. long grain rice. Farro Mediterranean pasta salad. The ingredients are cheap compared to the $8/lb salad bar.