Daily Pulse Check

If you listen to this song and snap your fingers or tap your toes then you are ok. If you don't move at all then you are in trouble.

Too True

This random phrase generator is pretty funny. It creased the corners of my lips for the first time in a dog's age. Reading about police killings reminds me of the countless cases of the police trying to antagonize me into self-defense, brandishing their guns, tasers, shouting, one getting me in a Junk Yard Dog wrist lock and neck slam that he felt sure would get me to react in a way that would justify an extrajudicial execution. But no, my back and shoulder pain prevent me from making any actions that would be viewed as 'aggressive' so they always let me go after getting the dogs to search my dirty underwear. I live the life that puts me into contact with bully cops on a regular basis so I'm very concerned that I will be tased, jerk erratically, and the cop will determine that my muscle spasms are actually me reaching for a button that will detonate a bomb in my ass, and so he will execute me 'to save himself'. It happens every day and no charges are filed. Slowly, the dissidents are being executed by public servants. Not by accident; by design.

But the phrase generator gave me reason to laugh again.

Here's one from Corporate slogans:
We will help to enable indexed solutions for today's profit-driven dot-com virtual corporations.

We are continually evolving, helping to enable indexed eBusiness solutions for today's pyramid-based corporations. 

From Financial slogans:
In the Asian market, plan to prorate lump-sum long positions.

Deferred systemic risks: in insolvent market segments, always insulate them.

Political Slogans:
Unlike myself, my opponent wants an America where tribal warlords and 24-hour news networks can undermine our hard-working neighborhoods.

Know this: that I believe in our Bibles, our powerful SUVs and our right to use up the world's resources.

Know this: that I will protect our McMansions, our right to shoot brown people and our judicial system.

Random headlines:
 8 Fascinating Needlepoint Tips From William Shatner

 Wine reviews:
Champs de Kairet mixes absurd smack flavors and a sinful gingerbread finish in their 1992 Bordeaux.

 I laugh because a Nicaraguan dairy farmer was asking me about America because he had heard stories of men migrating there to wash cars, and sending money home to Nicaragua, and I was trying to explain the real economy and imagine the scene with us sitting in a mud hut with no electricity far away in the old Sandinista rebel wilderness, a fire burning in the corner, cows mooing in the late evening breeze, we are both shucking beans for tomorrow's breakfast. And I say, in tortured Spanish,

"Jobs in America are jobs making software, applicaciones, to put your cat's photo in different geological locations."

He's incredulous, "My cat? Gato?"

"Yes, a gato...but not a real cat, a photo of a cat. A digital photo, not even something you can touch."

"A photo? Americans photograph their cats?"

"Oh yes, photographs, and video, sometimes whole documentaries. The cat is real, but the photo is never developed or printed."

"Videos of cats?"

"Yes, you take a photo of your cat, and take the photo and upload it to the software, and the software can change the expression of the cat's face. This is a very profitable idea in America. Americans trust and admire this kind of software. That is how to make money in America. Someone who washes cars would be looked upon as dirt, totally worthless, a slave. But an application to edit cat photos or generate odd, useless slogans is very profitable."

He grabs another bean pod to shuck the 4 pinto beans into a bowl that is slowly filling. "I do not understand."

A lightning bug flies by in the breeze. "I don't either."

 And when I read one of these random phrase generations..."We will continue to resell web-enabled business metrics for today's leading virtual eMonopolies" I laugh because they are a parody of a parody, but also true.

Here's one I wrote:
"Commoditization of keystone resources for salient underwriters is our specialty."

Film Study

I was going to make this a screenshot trivia question but no one seemed to take any guesses so I will give you the answer.

Not a coincidence the sun is there.

In 1984, one year before he would direct Back to The Future, Robert Zemeckis directed Romancing the Stone, and in this shot from 2 minutes in we see his eye for detail. The opening vignette is actually a film adaptation of the end of a romance novel that character Joan Wilder is writing and narrating at that moment. It's like a dream sequence, but the audience doesn't know it yet. So, this is a movie, based on a fake book, being written by a character within the real movie, which was written by a totally different woman in real life, and directed by Zemeckis. If ever there was a chance to 'mail it in' this was it, because the romance novel is supposed to be cheesy, unbelievable, poly-Anna, harlequin. But Zemeckis can not help himself and set this less-than-1-second shot of the woman riding away on the horse in such a way that as soon as the horse's head pulls aside, the sun appears brilliantly because the camera places the horse head directly between it and the sun. Seconds later three armed men appear, intent on killing the woman. Her savior appears on a hill , completely disguised because the sun is actually setting behind him.

Intentionally cliche

Well, seconds earlier the woman has to shield her eyes to look at him...and now the sun is setting behind him and perfectly sets him in silhouette. This is because the hero is on a bluff (which looks like, and indeed is, in Utah) that ends in such a way that the sun shines on the woman but not the hero. I'm telling you, this 4 minute sequence probably took a week to film and I don't think this was an assistant director because the shots are too stylized. Most of it is shot outside, in a National Park or near Zion, and that demands major effort due to lighting. Check out this scene here, which also explains why the boat at the end of the movie is named "Angelina".

I point this out because the details Zemeckis applied to this fake movie within a movie based on a fake book within a screenplay are perfectly executed and actually show exactly why Back to The Future is so good. This is also the first legitimate feature film for composer Alan Silvestri, who would compose the great themes for Back to The Future and Forrest Gump too. I often like to point out that people who pine for the Eighties and moan that 'movies were so much better then" are cherry picking films like Romancing The Stone, which is basically a case of the stars aligning behind a totally unknown screenwriter to turn this into a very strong movie that stands the test of time. Quality and talent will always withstand the effects of time. Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Zemeckis, DeVito, Silvestri. These figures were cornerstones of cinema for a decade and beyond. The Eighties had plenty of terrible duds but Romancing the Stone is not one of them. The cinematography and production design are trademark Zemeckis.

Odd Song

I heard this in the gym today and I thought, "Holy shit, someone wrote a song about mopeds?" But no, the person simply doesn't know what the fuck a moped looks like. Those are all scooters. I didn't see a single moped in the whole video. Mopeds have pedals. Scooters are basically step through motorcycles with small wheels. Mopeds have pedals and scooters don't. Someone should write a song explaining the difference.

Dear Macklemore & Ryan,

Mopeds have pedals and scooters don't.

Sincerely, 1974 Vespa Ciao Moped

These guys also have a cool song about conservation.  Over half my clothes come from a thrift store so I feel obligated to share it.

Animal Humor

Lobsters Think They Are in Pet Shop

 

Kitten Unaware He is "Free to Good Home".